Originally published on E! May 13, 2016

When my newly pregnant (or eager-to-get-pregnant) friends ask me for general advice on the matter, I often meet them with an apologetic look, a shrug and a disappointing response.

“I feel like I can’t really give any good advice because every pregnancy is so different,” is the standard reply.

That sounds lame, but it’s true. Some women love being pregnant and others hate it. Some are bedridden and plagued with morning sickness, while some barely stray from their normal routine. Just because I went through it a certain way doesn’t mean you will. This isn’t just per mom, it’s per gestation. My two pregnancies have been vastly different from one another.

Take cravings and aversions, for example.

When I was carrying my daughter, I was one of those annoying “pregnancy unicorns” whose only cravings were green smoothies and blueberries. Now, in my second pregnancy, green juice makes me want to vomit. I am turned off by most foods, which leads me to eat a lot of bland carbs like toast and pizza. Lately, I have mastered the art of concealing all the evidence of my clandestine fast-food jaunts.

Here are both of “My Pregnancy Diets.” If you can, I would follow the first one!

Breakfast 1: Blueberry Green Smoothie: -1 cup water, -1 cup blueberries, -1 cup spinach, 1 banana
Breakfast 2: Escape to Starbucks for an Americano for my maximum daily caffeine allowance and the only thing that doesn’t make me nauseous, a.k.a. a carb, such as a slice of pumpkin bread…which we all know is basically a dessert loaf.

Lunch 1: Organic Kale Salad with oil-free vinaigrette dressing and a bowl of red pepper and tomato soup.
Lunch 2: This is where I make a secret run to a fast food joint, such as Taco Bell, In-n-Out, or the chicken-sandwich-joint-which-shall-not-be-named. Be sure and throw away any evidence before you get back to your house. And drive home with the windows down to get rid of that fast food smell. Who needs the judgment?

Console yourself with the fact that you are taking your daily prenatal vitamin and DHA supplement. For those of you with a sweet tooth, I highly recommend Honest Company’s calcium and vitamin D gummies…they are seriously good!

Snack 1: green smoothie: -1 cup spinach, -1 cup kale, -1 cup water, -1 banana, -2 apples
Snack 2: choke down an organic green juice, preferably while holding your nose. Concentrate on keeping it down by reminding yourself how good this is for the baby.

Dinner 1: Homemade vegan lasagna
Dinner 2: order dairy-free Pinkberry from Postmates

So, as you can see, despite having the same motivation and the same knowledge of nutrition as I did during my first pregnancy, I just can’t stomach the same diet, for whatever reason. Is it hormones? The baby’s gender? I may never know, I’m just taking each day to try and eat healthier.

Right after I throw out this Taco Bell bag.